January 2003

Tension

"This is great!" she said between forkfuls of pad thai. "You picked the one Thai restaurant next to a Books-A-Million. I was so craving a mocha…and now I can take care of my sushi cravings and my mocha cravings!" After we all finished our lunches, Rick and I pronounced ourselves the chile fans at the table, agreeing that the three-pepper heat level of our noodles wasn't much more than a nice tongue-tickling heat.

183 minutes of...

The year was 1990. At the time, I was just barely beginning to understand the concepts of mating, dating, and the time-honored ritual of Going To The Movies With A Boy. Little did I know that I was aimed, full speed ahead, for a dating misstep the likes of which are generally only shown in the worst of romantic comedies.

Bisexual Hot Chicks and the Porn Principle

Wow! Gentle readers, we have yet another winner in the "pester me once and I'll ignore you, pester me twice, and I post your words on my website and my friends make ruthless fun of you" category known as "stupid IM transcripts." That and, quite frankly, it's a Monday, and as we all know, at least 90% of all funny jokes are not funny on Mondays.

Thus, we do what we must to make the Monday bearable.

Enough of the yapping, let's get jiggy with the transcripts. First up is a conversation from December 19 that I'd since managed to forget. Today's winner is the yahoo user commercialparts; perhaps some of y'all should consider giving this hard-workin' man a shout-out?

Under the tail of the dragon

The Dekalog (or 'Decalogue', in English): widely considered to be Krzysztof Kieślowski's masterwork, and also one of the most fiendishly difficult sets of films to actually see. Ten films, each an hour long, one for each of the Ten Commandments. Screenings are rare, and the DVDs are out of print and hideously expensive.

Until this weekend I have never personally known anyone who had actually seen the Decalogue. When the Belcourt (site) announced they'd be screening the Dekalog in December and early January, I decided it was time to remedy this little issue. (Film buffs are a strange sort. On drives and over lunches, they swap the names of films and directors like so many trading cards. Kieślowski is traded often on the strength of his Three Colors trilogy, but always qualified with "and I've heard the Decalogue is fantastic, but I've never gotten a chance to see it." I suppose this counts as a pretty spiffy trading card for me.)

Ten films, ten hours, all in the course of one day. These are my notes from that day.

* * * * *

Sunday. 5 January. In the lobby, the cushions are plush velvet over hardwood that could easily qualify as church pews.

There are three of us in the lobby and, unless I am grossly mistaken, I am invisible. Andrew, the ticket-taker-cum-usher with the kind blue eyes, is talking drink prices with the other employee. I do not know her name, but for some reason I've found myself mentally nicknaming her Andrea.

Names, even fake ones, always help; they serve as shorthand. She is easier to refer to by a name, any name, rather than saying that she is the one in the quasi-managerial straight black skirt, white tights, and staff shirt, capped off with a pair of mirror-bright Mary Janes that will make her feet ache before the end of the day.

Dinner is done, such as it was: peanut butter and jelly eaten with apple, chips, and Belcourt Coke while sitting on the stoop next to the fire lane while staring at my car as it sat, across the street, safely under the tail of the dragon mural. Somewhere between episodes one and six of the Dekalog, the weather slipped from a breezy, warm afternoon to a chill night.

The wind, in the past six hours, has grown teeth.

This is the first theatre I've ever seen that had marble stands in the lobby for holding flyers. I have commandeered one to place this notebook upon; the employees have decided their Pez dispensers are far more interesting than the quiet woman with riotous hair camped out on the bench. After all, I've been here all day.

Campers, they call us, the ones who drive in from out of town or out of state to screen all ten hours of the Dekalog in one day.

Campers, they call us. Insane, everyone else calls it—except for the ones who, like us, have been waiting nearly a decade to see these films, and understand the compulsion to tick these elusive little films off of our to-see lists.

There have been a small but steady number of viewers slipping in and out of the theatre on the left—possibly the only theatre in America right now where the prevailing question every hour is, "Did anyone bring a copy of the Ten Commandments with them today?" (My copy was one of the last things I grabbed before leaving the house at nine sharp this morning.)

80 miles per hour gets you to Nashville fast. The plains slip-slide into hills as you head north, until the slow, sinuous curves of HOV lanes snake you past megamalls, then smaller neighborhoods, until finally you reach the artsy areas around Vanderbilt.

I have been snapping photos all day—enough to guarantee the employees' thinking that the riotous-haired woman is some kind of obsessive shutterbug. Quite the opposite; I just want to be able to weed through and choose a few good pictures when I get home. There is so much to remember—the Jetta parked under the dragon mural, the 1920s projector next to the theatre I'm spending my day in, the small shops lining the cross street, and the unexpected seating depth of the theatre on the left.

I don't know if I'm going to keep these words that I am so hastily scribbling in this notebook, but I do know that my dumping them off onto these pages is allowing me to think more clearly about the movies I've seen so far.

As of this writing, I've seen six of the ten one-hour dramas that comprise the Dekalog. My traveling companions have repeatedly asked me my thoughts on what I've seen so far, and I think they are puzzled by my lack of answer.

But—I can scribe it here and reveal it later—I think I'm seeing something that, less than halfway through the series, is proving to be one of my all-time favorite pieces of cinema. I already have reasons to want to see the first six again, and I suspect that when I get home, I'll give way to a pipe dream, placing the out-of-print Criterion DVDs of this ten-film series onto a wishlist.

Not that I'll get it. But a girl can dream.

I say all this even though the films are a little slow in parts; the sheer scope of these films is something I have never before seen in cinema.

Ah. I have just been pointed out to a casual moviegoer as a 'camper.' Nice. I'm earning something along the lines of cinemaphile bonus points ("You drove how far? You're going to see all ten today?") from random strangers. Just what my ego needs—a boost. Oh dear.

My goodness, he just offered to buy me popcorn from the bar. A pity I don't like popcorn…

Ah, my movie-mates are back from their dinner. Time to close the notebook, cap the pen, and return for episode seven.

Yes, I am insane, but it's why you love me.

Amy

* * * * *

After ten hours of films in Polish, in which I could read none of the signs on-screen, I found myself vaguely surprised to be able to read road signs on the drive home.

We carpooled at half past nine in the morning, and I drove to the theatre. We did not return to our cars until after 1:30 a.m. the next morning. I talked incessantly on the drive home, mostly to keep myself awake. Somewhere past character analysis, plot contemplation, and rants about slow spots in less-favored episodes, we drifted into language discussion. We realized that none of us could remember if Russian had two or three genders for nouns.

At one a.m., this sort of thing is strangely important.

Will I see these films again? I don't know. I doubt it. This was my chance. I took it. After all, sleep deprivation is temporary, but I will be able to say for the rest of my life that I saw the Dekalog.

Happy belated birthday...

…to Daniel Hi'ilani Tsark, who, at 4 lbs. 15 ounces, made his entrance to the world at 3:52 p.m. on January 4th way, way out there in Arizona.Those of you who haven't met Kara have probably seen her comments (as kltsark) here on 'cat.net, and those of you who have known me for a while know that Kara was partly responsible for Jeff and I meeting in the first place. She was my maid of honor in the Great Grand Circus™ that was our wedding, and during Dad's illness last year she, having lost her mother-in-law to cancer, was one of those knowledgeable and understanding friends who made getting through each tough day … possible.

Mom, dad, and little one are sleepy but healthy, and for that, I'm happy and relieved. As a friend, I can't ask for anything more than that.

Kara's going to be a great mom, and damn if I'm not sniffly even thinking that as I write this.

Laughing out loud

Attention all deities

There's a special place in hell reserved for people who believe they have Rightful Parking Inheritance.

You know them well. I saw one today and resisted the urge to take my lovely, smart Jetta and jam one of my headlights into the driver's side door. I managed to reason myself out of that rather suicidal urge through two reasons:

  1. I could get lunch quickly if I just ran my errand and went back home; smashing into her car, being arrested and booked, and then having to have a nice long guilty chat with my insurance agent would likely delay lunch by several hours, thereby making me cranky

  2. Jeff would kill me.

Hunger pangs won the day. (They tend to do that.)

closet bee gee girl

Tonight: disco coding night in the house of the domesticat. I've been holed up in the computer room for a good chunk of the day, rotating through my collection of disco mp3s, patching up what fell somewhere between an oversight and a security hole in Quarto.

Yes, Quarto - remember that project? I seem to be back on track, in the way that a train barrelling down the track at Mach 2 could be described as being vaguely "on track."

horizontally aligned quacksicles == good

Day two, Quarto coding extravaganza.  We are coming to you live from the same chair that 98% of most cat.net entries are typed from; the only difference is that today I've spent most of my waking hours in this chair and not doing actually productive things.

Jeff wins the Write Amy An Import Script So She'll Shut Up™ award; we tested it tonight against the entries of geek-chick.net and guess what?  It worked.  No complaints, no quibbles - once I remembered to tell it the correct server paths to grab the files from, it imported in less than twenty seconds.I'm just...flabbergasted.

Tomorrow begins the Great Big Odyssey.  I can import the entries as I feel like it, but that's just the backend.  I can dump as much info into the db as I want, but no one is going to be able to see any of it until I work on the display pages that actually pull the information out, format it, and make it available for reading.

Speed bumps and slow raccoons

When Viet Huong opened in Huntsville, we celebrated: at last, Eastern food that wasn't a) Thai or b) buffet Chinese (which, we might add, has the approximate China Content of a porcelain teacup made in Mexico). Therefore, we visited, and we ate.

We weren't the only ones. The ricers showed up too, as they are wont to do, driving around and doing their business and unwittingly provoking howls of laughter among the rest of us who have far better things to spend our money on.

Shopping with the Muslims

This was my world, supposedly; but as I looked around me I realized that suddenly my long reddish hair and casual jeans marked me as the outsider.

I called it "Shopping With The Muslims."

Jeff would laugh every time I mentioned it, with that rich, cackling, my-crazy-spouse-cracks-me-up laugh that means both "I love you" and "You're insane." It's a laugh that reminds me of why I like my occasional flashes of eccentricity; while there is one kind of satisfaction to be found in living up to the expectations of others, there's another kind to be found in occasionally turning those expectations on their collective ears.What's the fun in living when, from day to day, you do nothing but exactly what your friends, spouse, and family expect you to do?

Nevertheless. The story, Amy, the story.

The McDonald's at 51a

The plan: drive from Huntsville to Atlanta. Obtain Gareth, whose current sojourn in the States has not yet produced the need for a rental car. Drive Gareth back to Huntsville, so that he can have some face time with the locals over a three-day weekend.

Message window, Gareth, yesterday afternoon: "Greg has proposed I-20 exit 51a at 7:30pm EST - there's a McDonald's there apparently."

nine of sixteen

It's always frustrating to try to write entries for cat.net when my mind's more occupied by the code of Quarto. It's difficult to come up with interesting things to say when your mind's current definition of 'interesting' is "oooooh! Now a quarto siteadmin can edit the general text message that's shown on the main Quarto admin screen!"

See? This sort of thing is vastly uninteresting to the general populace. Suffice it to say that over the course of the weekend, I scrawled down sixteen things that qualified as outstanding issues in Quarto. Nine of those sixteen things have squiggly lines through them now.

The process of making lists is frighteningly addictive. The 'low' comes from the daunting feeling of being overwhelmed. The making of the list is the 'fix' - a way to excise worries from the mind by committing them to paper. Once written, they are solvable, manageable.

The squiggly lines are the 'high.' There is joy in taking pen to paper and striking out the words, in moving the task from 'something to worry about' to 'something to be forgotten.'

When you think in those terms, it's difficult to switch your brain over into the creative process of writing. In the back of your mind, you're still thinking about the list. Its existence nibbles at you, if you let it - is there any way I could cross off one more thing from the list before going to bed tonight?

Despite this silly listmaking, I'm starting to see a Quarto milestone approaching. I'm hesitant to call 1.0 the end of development, although in some ways it will be for me. Once it reaches that point I plan to take a break from it for a while. Do other things. Finish my black-and-white sweater, I think. I've asked myself what I'm going to do with cat.net once I have a fully-functional database backend that meets more needs than cat.net could ever think to want...and I'm not sure.

I've toyed around with the idea of taking all these silly photos I have of the cats and using a separate quarto install to create a goofy little sidebar item - a random kitty photo popup.

I realize what a luxury those thoughts are, and how pedantic this all sounds, and I find myself unwilling to apologize. It's been nearly a year since Dad's cancer diagnosis - a year since everything turned itself upside-down and then inside-out for good measure. I'm aware that I didn't just start working on Quarto when I did by accident; I did it knowing full well that I was struggling to find some way to cope with Dad's death.

I think I equate reaching the "1.0" version of Quarto as the end of my mourning for Dad. I had not thought about it so consciously until just now as I typed it out, but it rings true. The code for Quarto - the struggle to learn, to understand, to reshape my thoughts until they could be expressed as the ultimate combination of art and ordered list that is code - gave me an out. It was not okay (in my mind) to admit to how deeply depressed I was after Dad died, but it felt at least marginally socially acceptable to bury my grief and my anger in code.

I don't say it often, but I'm grateful that my thoughts can be so mundane now. It means that the people I care about are well, safe, and happy, and that I can wake up most mornings and not wonder if the sky has a nine a.m. appointment to fall on my head that day. I can laugh at Tenzing's abject determination to sleep as close to my keyboard as possible, or how silly the boys are when they pile up together on the bed and doze in more sickeningly cute configurations than even I dreamed of.

I am learning to laugh without guilt. To understand that at some point, no matter how devastated you are, you realize that the sun still comes up; your husband still loves you; your friends will still eat your pork tenderloin recipe if you make it for them; your cats still think your feet are great to snuggle up against in the middle of the night; and that eventually you have to take a great, deep breath and finish the software you were working on…

…because it's time.

Whatever that means.

So - cast a totally unscientific vote. Random cat photos, yea or nay? Leave a comment or fire me an email to comments [at] domesticat [dot] net.

claustrophiliac cat

me: Edmund is doing scales in the hallway
Gareth: silly kitty
me: It's amazing how many notes a very determined cat can hit in one session of meowing at the wall
me: They're kinda annoyed with me at the moment.
I had to take the guest comforter in to be cleaned, and just got it back today.
Not only does their favorite sleep space no longer smell like them, it was cold from the car.
Gareth: quite unacceptable
me: very
Gareth: must do better
me: To add insult to injury I washed the quilt that was on the bed too
Gareth: sheesh - you realize that that will probably go on your permanent record
of course, permanent for a cat is about 25 minutes
me: oh, definitely. But I'll do extra cuddles tonight and be forgiven

He was right. About twenty minutes later, I wandered into the guest bedroom again when I realized that Edmund had stopped doing scales. Sure enough, there he was, settling in for a nap on the bed.

I very nearly walked out of the room before realizing that something wasn't right.

I walked back in again and looked again from a different angle and was immediately amused (and not just by Edmund's beatific Buddha-kitty look). Or, as I said to Jeff later, "I was sure when I made that bed, there wasn't a twelve-pound kittylump at the foot of it..."

I patted the lump gently. It purred; I could feel its vibrations through the layer of quilt. Hoping he wouldn't move, I tiptoed into the kitchen, grabbed the camera, and walked back into the guest bedroom. I lifted up the quilt and snapped a quick photo without the flash.

Tenzing was, after all, very comfortable, and there's nothing worse than sharing a house with a disgruntled (and very vocal) cat.

We joke sometimes about how Tenzing is our little claustrophiliac kitty; the smaller and tighter the space, the more he'd like to be in it. When he wants to snuggle up in 'his' blanket, he stands on the couch next to me and paws at the blanket spread against the back of the couch, all the while giving us terribly piteous looks and the occasional mournful mew.

Pathetic, really.

Can't figure out who is worse - the cat for wanting such silly things, or the cat-minders* for giving them to him.

* Anyone who has ever shared a house with a cat knows good and well that there's no such thing as a cat 'owner.' Ask any cat. They might even deign to answer.

ping THIS.

Few things on this planet can make me say "huh?" faster than code. However, as I've discovered, if I sit in my chair and only say "huh?" or "bwah?" only after testing out some new snippet of code, I eventually manage to turn "huh?" into "aha!"

So much I did not know

Today's mail marked the arrival of a package I've never been able to forget about in the five years since it was created: a time capsule created in Dr. Holbrook's class during the latter part of my hellish senior year of college.

These were my words. Commentary follows.

December 11, 1997

Just some thoughts here. I've got to get this turned in in about 40 minutes, so I'm going to write as fast as I can and hope that I get everything. Mostly I just wanted to set down where I am right now...five years from now I guess I'll find it a little bit amusing to read all of this.

Hell Semester is almost over. I put my November calendar in with this—I can't believe I'm really going to survive it, but I guess I really will. Today is Thursday, and I only have one class tomorrow (Business Law) and then next week is finals. I have two finals on Monday, two on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, and one on Thursday.

Minority coding report

Notation #1: Quarto is now at version 0.8. Prior to their mass genocide at the hands of their dictatorial (and stylishly jackbooted) leadership, the peasants rejoiced.

Possibly the most exquisitely funny part of creating one's own CMS (content management system) is the joy of writing one's own tooltips - a long, tedious, and generally loathsome process that provides endless opportunities to slide in examples of one's highly warped sense of humor.

See also today's attempt to explain to Joe Unknown User on the purposes of a 'blurb':

A bored audience

Will the three people in this country who actually give a damn about the Super Bowl please raise your hand? (Aside from you, Rick. We've already made fun of you.)

As far as I can tell, this 'national championship game' is a beautifully transparent excuse for the following things:

The sucker is you

Hi. My name is Amy, and I'm watching Joe Millionaire, and yes, I know I suck.

I realize that there's a special place in hell for people like me, and that there's no such thing as pleading "But it's the only 'reality show' I've ever watched! Ever!" Claiming that exception has more in common with "But I didn't inhale!" than it does with any semblance of truth, and it gets you no free ride into any of the slightly cooler circles of hell.

Two new features

Two new features implemented as of today.  I'd be funnier about all this, but I'm tired, in the middle of squashing an ugly bug I just found this morning, and my sense of humor went off to have a four-martini lunch somewhere around noon.  It's nearly four hours later, and it hasn't bothered to stagger back in to work yet.  Wanker.

This guy means business

Rice-chasing is fun. Sort of. Now, true, there is a certain element of danger to the chase; it's entirely likely that a man crazy enough to put an eight-foot wing on a four-cylinder car (and call it a "racing model") is also crazy enough to be packing a firearm or two…

…But I'm very, very quick about my photos, and also very, very stealthy.

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