Undertow: strategies for life

The answers are: nowhere interesting, nothing much, thanks. How about you?

I've spent a couple of days buried pretty deeply into the greymatter hacks/mods portion of this site. Seems like every time I do that, I come out two days later with no desire to touch any kind of HTML for a while. If nothing else, it's subsumed the urge to create new designs for at least a few days.Since Tuesday, I haven't touched any kind of design. I think that's the strongest evidence of how much the events in New York have shaken me—they've stopped my creative process for the time being.

I'm past the immediate shock and anger. I'm still working on forgiveness and understanding. So far I've managed to read, watch a couple of movies, call some friends, cuddle the cats, but never get much past that emotional depth. The emotions are still there, ready, waiting on me—for whenever I'm ready to deal with them.

In the meantime, I had to get on with my life. It's difficult to pass the half-mast flags and the patriotic songs and the fervor and anger and pain and say, "No, I have to do things like buy groceries and cook and vacuum," but it's true. These things must be done.

After all, there is no Litterbox Fairy. Much to Edmund and Tenzing's disgust.

So yes, that's my news from here: we're living in a deliberate state of shallowness. Not because we're avoiding what's underneath, but because there's such a thing as an undertow: too much emotion, raw pain, anger, to handle. In the meantime, we've tried our best to carry on: we cook, we love, we curse the malfunctioning lawnmower, and we try to get someone else to empty the dishwasher so that we can stay on the couch for a few minutes longer.

It isn't terribly meaningful in and of itself. It's only meaningful when you realize that we're doing all these things in avoidance of talking about or dealing with the real issue.

Sometimes the mere act of coping is in itself impressive.