Ever heard the saying, "Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should"? Today's interaction with a grocery-store cashier brought this axiom to mind. Granted, I had plenty of time to think about it, given that it took her an exceedingly long period of time to ring up my order.

Why? Because she had claws for fingernails. These claws fell somewhere between acrylic and bionic, and extended well over an inch past the end of her fingertips. Admittedly, they were beautifully polished, but I found myself cringing as I watched her cock her wrist and fingers so that she could delicately pad the number keys (one…at…a…time…) with the pads of her fingertips.Her hands were ornamental—some (not me) would even say beautiful—but they were useless. Her nails stretched somewhere between 1-2" past her fingertips, curving out and down; judging by the curl, she could not even rest the palms of her hands on a tabletop. Not to mention that she was probably barely able to write, because she would have trouble finding a grip on a pen that wouldn't force her nails to cross over each other and, subsequently, break.

Your mother probably told you that biting your fingernails was a nasty habit. Mine certainly did. But it also seems like mothers should also be required to tell their daughters that growing 2" claws attached to their fingertips is not only unhealthy, but vastly unsanitary.

Think about all the things you can't do with nails like that.

How would you wash your hair? I know that my tiny little ¼-inch fingernails snag and rip on my hair when I'm washing it in the shower; I can't imagine the mess that would ensue with infinitely longer nails. You'd end up practically gouging your scalp to bloody ribbons before managing to get anything clean.

How would you wipe your own ass? (You can't tell me that she was paying someone to wipe it for her. This woman was working as a cashier in a grocery store—I know she doesn't have that kind of money.)

I mean, think about it; it's just noxious. Those things are going to pick up every bit of dirt and crud within a sixteen-foot radius. Short of keeping a little toothbrush in your pocket at all times, how would you keep the undersides of those claws clean?

I can just hear it now…I'm sure that at least once, in the past, some woman has had to be taken to the hospital because she had 2" acrylic nails, tried to pick her nose, and ended up punching a hole in her own brain. (You'd definitely need the little toothbrush in your pocket…for taking care of dirt, grime, and randomly-excised brain cells. Say it with me: ewwwwwww.)

I just can't fathom why stores would hire women with nails like this to be supermarket cashiers. I'm all about freedom of expression, but I can honestly say that I've never seen a woman with 2" nails able to ring up a grocery order in an efficient manner. Not to mention that I get just a little squeamish when she picks up the produce I've selected. That's raw fruit she's handling, and I don't know where those nails have been.

Every time I see nails like those on a cashier, I can't help imagining how much easier her life would be if I could just pin her down for about twenty seconds—just long enough to snip those expensive little acrylic creations off. Call it 'striking another blow for the overall sensibility of humanity.'