Putting the ASS back in 'assistance'

"Oh, God, not THIS guy again."

Our local deity, being uncharacteristically busy with the lives of the other billions of people on this planet, chose to overlook the fact that, even under the best of circumstances, I cannot stand tech #89.

"Best," of course, not being the day after a series of days where you've had to continually reboot the cable modem so that you can test your code. Nor is "best" the day that your quest to buy groceries turns into a multiple-grocery-store chase, just to find the [damned] Gruyère cheese for tonight's dinner, immediately followed by racing back to ensure you were home for the 1p.m.-5p.m. window that the cable guys always demand.Therefore, in the global view of things, I suppose it wasn't any big deal to send tech number eighty-nine to our house.

Understand that I've wanted to fling used kitty litter at this man ever since he informed me a few months ago that we couldn't expect our cable modem to work correctly until we stopped connecting it to our linux box, and instead connected it to a Windows-based machine. (Sir, please don't let me forget to whack you with our cluebat as you exit the building…)

Or, to quote Colter, this guy puts the 'ass' back in 'assistance.'

So, let's get matters straight. We call the cable company last night, and tests were run. From our trouble ticket:
Problem Category: HSD_Connection | Cable Modem | Faulty

So, we have a faulty cable modem. Sure, they say, we'll send someone out and we'll get that cable modem replaced tomorrow.

Then I get a glimpse of the guy through the glass of the front door. Once I realized it was Mr. Needs-Cluebat, my mood darkened noticeably. I greeted him rather perfunctorily and led him to the computer room.

"So what's the problem?"

"Don't they tell you anything on the trouble ticket?"

"Well, yes, but I like to ask the customer what's wrong."

I pointed to the cable modem. "All of the lights will be on and steady, signaling a connection, but we don't actually have any connectivity. We have to kick the modem to make it work."

"You have to physically kick the modem?"

"No. We reboot the modem." (Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out where I put that damned cluebat.)

"I want to plug the cable modem directly into the computer."

(Isn't it already? Oh, wait! Let's bring someone else in on this. If he wants to touch the server, I'm calling Jeff. Now.)

"Hold on. I want you to speak to my husband." I phone Jeff, and hand the phone to the tech. (Later, Jeff confirmed to me that he explained to the tech that the modem already was connected to the main computer.)

He fiddled with the cable modem—forcing it to reboot and re-register to the network. (Which, I might add, we have done numerous times ourselves. If that was the root of the problem, we would've solved it ages ago.) I asked him to write down what he did (admittedly, I was snippy about it), but he did not.

He proffered the work order and said, "Sign this." I signed it to get him out of the house, preferably before I located where we'd put the cluebat and did him some serious mental good. He hadn't run any tests on our equipment, nor did he even bother to bring in a new modem, despite the fact that the work order contained the following:

"NEEDS MODEM REPLACED, NO SIGNAL
PROBLEMS THROUGH ROUTER BUT NOT ABLE TO PING WHEN SHOWING ONLINE AT MODEM"

Can't wait to tell the cable company this. While their line is busy, I'm going to nose around the house and find that damned cluebat and store it under my desk. I wonder how they're going to explain not even bringing any hardware into our house when they were supposed to replace our modem.

Cluebat, indeed.

all tags: 
rants
tech support

Comments

On , gfmorris said...
Ah yes, but then we wouldn't be presented with your always-acerbic wit! :)

On , domesticat said...
I should write about the Adventures of the Cluebat more often.

On , gfmorris said...
Or I should give you the direct cell phone of my tech and have him come bring you a new modem ... ;)

On , Jeff said...
Actually, after looking through the logs in the cable modem's built-in web server, it looks like he or Mediacom actually DID do something: 020803013329 7-Information I511.1 Resetting due to SNMP docsDevResetNow That's an entry I haven't seen lately, so we'll see if that fixes it. The tech claimed the modem needed to be "re-registered". We'll see. Actually, I hope he's right, since replacing the modem means I would have to start renting a modem from Mediacom again. As it is now, my $70 eBay special has already paid itself off. :)

On , sch said...
WOW.. my lexicon, orbital and a tvr remix. i'm impressed. good luck with the modem =/

On , andy said...
I think you just described the reasons why I changed to DSL. I got tired of the general cluelessness and idiocy. My DSL company cheerfully states that they support Win, MacOS and linux. They tell you how to hook up a home router. It was quite a nice change.

On , gfmorris said...
Yeah, but try getting DSL out in the woods. :)

On , domesticat said...
Exactly, Geof. Now, as for our tech...sure enough, our modem began bombing out again tonight, so Jeff called the cable company back. Our favorite tech wrote down on his report that he "configured the PC." Yeah right—the computer in question is a linux box, which he absofrellinglutely does not have a password to. Mostly because I make it my business to NOT know how to do such things with the server. If I don't know how to do them, I'm less likely to mis-remember a command and thus trigger the thermonuclear device included in all homemade linux boxen. Impressive. I used the words 'boxen,' 'frelling,' and 'thermonuclear' in the same comment—all while I'm so tired I can barely think straight. In the morning, I will continue my quest for the cluebat.

On , kat said...
I refuse to ever touch DSL after I've seen all of the problems that can occur at the ISP and user level. I will gladly take cable anyday over DSL. There are just way too many variables in the DSL equation to bode well for steady access for a good majority of people. I just don't like the odds.

On , rogueGeer said...
DSl 0wnx0rs. my service agreement gaurantees me the right to run servers, unlimited bandwidth and a "no-throttling below service level rates" in there as well. It pissed me off tha they tried to charge me for a new modem whin i moved, but i got that cleared up with a single phone call, and i have yet to pay for an install. I have had 3 problems in 2 years of service. 2 i was actualyl emailed about a week prior to the interruption (and it wasnt a full service failure!) once it went down, and require a node re-reg, which the rep did for me over the phone, total time including 15 minutes of obnoxious hold music: 19 minutes. i would never go back to cable. we had cable and then a microwave link to the cable backbone at the old work. they ALWAYS went down, and even though we were paying teh 'business rate" the ip's and 'static handles' changed all the tmie. the ywould lose our static arp entries on a monthly basis. i hate cable. still, if its lal you got in your area... its better than dialup.

On , gfmorris said...
Right. I want DSL because I want to run a server from home. But no one will run DSL out our way.

On , kat said...
Depends on what type of server you want to run, Geof. Some DSL providers would let you do that in town and some won't. You just have to check first and make sure. Will, you are really, really lucky with your service. I am amazed that a provider lets you do all of that.

On , gfmorris said...
The DSL providers I've looked at would, if I gave them enough money.

On , jowilson said...
Some DSL providers are really liberal about servers, etc, and some even allow community wireless access points. Our DSL just works for the most part -- every now and again the poor modem gets confused and I have to do the foofy reset dance, but other than that -- no complaints. Of course, I've used it for all of 4 or 5 days now, but that's more than enough time to determine that it's far superior to our cable modem. Of course, the cable modem is in the UP, and the DSL is in Minnesota. Kat: Are you thinking of ISDN? ISDN is a cluster-f*ck. I'd rather write out the ones and zeros by hand and mail them where they have to go.