Turducken-making instructions for the insane

This page explains in truly gory detail exactly how you would make a turducken. (Photos are worksafe, but page contains words that aren't.)

Yes, I know a couple of you are vegetarians … you know who you are. Just don't even read this, ok? You'd cry. But for the rest of you carnivores, you're about to encounter instructions like these:

7. After five minutes, remove the lid and stir. Your stuffing is done. If you screwed that up, please take a quiet moment to remember that 120 years ago your relatives made the butter in this recipe from scratch and had to go down to the river to bang their clothing on rocks to get it clean and you can't even make instant stuffing. Look at you. Pathetic.


Deboning an animal can be hard, especially if that animal is alive in your trunk, pounding on the inside of the hood to escape, forcing you to pull over along some deserted road in upstate New York and finish the job. Luckily, supermarkets sell dead, flash frozen birds, thereby eliminating your need for a baseball bat, hammer or handgun, which is a disappointment, really.

I'm going to wander off and snicker now if that's ok.


Absolutely hilarious.