Proposal for Contract For New Website Owners, herein to be referred to as "You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride" or "Hey Idiot" for short.Whereas, the population of coder-type folk have noticed an alarming increase in personal websites, and

Whereas, given that the population of the planet is only allowed a fixed amount of intelligence spread across all personal websites and,

Whereas, the likelihood of security failures increase as the number of personal sites (running on scripts beyond their maintainers' technical expertise) grows, and

Greetings, readers, and welcome to the newest little addition to domesticat.net, known as "Ask Domesticat." You, too, can now have the pleasure of having your questions answered* in a public forum by the one and only domesticat! Our first question comes to us from a severely snowbound reader a stone's-throw from Canada:

Where do you get your "domesticat-esque" impulses from? Or, what makes you so "domesticat-ey" (domestikitty?)

Answer:
The short version: chemical therapy. As many of you know, I spent most of my teenage years completely unable to relate to anything not placed within 0.000005 inches of my own skull. Somewhere around my seventeenth birthday, someone switched my daily drug feed from "self-absorbed teenager" to the mostly-decaffeinated "decent human being" blend.

Well, well, isn't that tidy? Like all artists of the highest caliber, my artistic output can be purchased. It is with greatest pleasure I announce that, due to higher-than-expected returns, the 2002 Pledge Week is now officially over, and all—both on the artistic side and on Corporate—will be going home happy.

Unless you're a pantyhose-toting piranha, that is.

So, where were we? Seems like my mention of the words "breach of contract" opened a few eyes over at Corporate yesterday afternoon. While I was busy working on refining a couple of scripts for cat.net, an emergency domesticat.net board meeting was held.

Back in 2000, when the domesticat.net corporation was created, I signed a contract with the corporation to start producing almost-daily content for this site. I was assured in writing that I would have creative control over every aspect of this site.

"Amy," they said, "look. We have to have access to your site, in case anything goes wrong and you're not available. But if you'll check section 15(c) of the contract, you'll see that we plan on remaining behind-the-scenes at all times."

I'd like to take a moment out from your normal reading pleasure at domesticat.net to comment on the recent turn of events. I'd like to think that Amy wouldn't mind my stepping in and providing commentary while she is off in another room, watching a movie with Jeff.

I'm pleased to announce that domesticat.net, judging from the site stats, appears to have picked up readers number nine and ten! We at the Corporate end of domesticat.net are pleased to announce that due to this unexpected occurrence, we shall remain commercial- and advertisement-free for the time being.As you probably were not aware, Amy was under immediate and direct threats from domesticat.net's corporate sponsors to find some way of increasing readership to double digits or else she was going to be required (we truly dislike the word 'forced'—C.) to start including corporate advertisements in her entries.