Are you a nun?
Ok, gents, let's review! While the desperation of humanity is often palpable on the holiday this year known as Black Satur….er, Valentine's Day, just because a depth is there doesn't mean you should sink to it.
Personally, while I find it a smidgen admirable that someone could actually have the balls to metaphorically walk up to a random stranger and proposition for a threesome, I find it far more amusing and pathetic. Don't these people have friends they can call up and say, "Hey, we need to borrow you for a weekend of sex that would make your mother blush"? Surely they'd have a better success rate than contacting random net.chicks for the same favor?
One thing's for certain; they're better off asking their friends than they are asking me, because as we know, there's nothing that turns me on more than a poorly-capitalized request for sex from a perfect stranger.
In other news, spouseling and I are contemplating celebrating Black Satur…er, Valentine's Day, in a bit of an unconventional fashion. We discussed the idea of going out to eat tonight, but realized that most of the restaurants in our fair, sleepy city will be covered over with profusely PDA-swapping couples whose fawning adulation is likely to make me vomit before we finish our two-hour wait for a table.
Or, as Jeff asked last night, "Is there some restaurant in town that won't be covered over for Valentine's Day?"
I said, "What about Hooters?"
If his eyebrows had gone any higher, they would've shot off over the top of his head. "You'd go?"
So, barring circumstances beyond my control, we'll probably go do our Saturday workouts and then sashay over to Hooters for a meal of pure calorie indulgence…and, if I'm lucky, a night completely free of shameless PDA displays.
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I mean, really, people. No, I don't have anything in particular against people publicly declaring that they love one another. In fact, in a day and age in which even the barest of civilities are often overlooked, I'm more than willing to cheer when two people recognize that they love one another and choose to conduct their lives accordingly.
What I do find appalling is the usage of Valentine's Day as an all-purpose day of apology. Instead of a day of celebrating love, it's a day to buy your significant other something to make up for the fact that you've been an utter putz since Valentine's Day 2003. (After all, she'll forget about the cheap blonde hooker that gave you the clap in Vegas if you just buy her a diamond for Valentine's Day!)
A novel idea: try treating your significant other as significant the rest of the year, and maybe you won't have to apologize so profusely on Valentine's Day 2005.
But then again, what do I know?
Right then. On to the transcript, and off to Hooters. Cheers!
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|Session Start (quallsac : pullsnaphook): Sat Feb 14 10:01:04 2004|
|pullsnaphook:||interested in having a threesome with 2 guys?|
|Amy:||What makes you think I would be?|
|pullsnaphook:||i'm just asking…..no reason at all|
|pullsnaphook:||i dont even know you but thought i'd try my luck|
|pullsnaphook:||2 guys here playing golf in scottsboro area in the spring and we are looking to have a good time down there|
|pullsnaphook:||we are just looking for some good hot fun
so are you interested?
|pullsnaphook:||u still thinking about it|
|Amy:||Uh, gee, some random screenname pops up and without even a hello-good-morning, propositions me?|
|pullsnaphook:||pretty aggressive move huh
|pullsnaphook:||hello, good morning, how are you? interested?|
|pullsnaphook:||good to know you have a sense of humor|
|pullsnaphook:||how far are you away from scottsboro?|
|Amy:||I have to wonder … does this tactic ever work with women? Or is this a complete blind stab in the dark?|
|pullsnaphook:||oh, its completely a blind stab in the dark for sure|
|pullsnaphook:||but i can see you are opening up to the idea|
|pullsnaphook:||have you ever done this sort of thing before?|
|Amy:||I'm 'opening up to the idea,' hmm? It's good to know you can tell so much about me from so few sentences. What else have you discovered about me from these few sentences?|
|pullsnaphook:||that possibly you are not opening up to the idea|
|pullsnaphook:||maybe i was getting ahead of myself|
|pullsnaphook:||let me step back a few steps…….how far is it from scottsboro to huntsville?|
|Amy:||Approximately an hour.|
|pullsnaphook:||would that be too far to drive to meet some friends?|
|pullsnaphook:||if we become friends on here|
|pullsnaphook:||can we become friends?|
|pullsnaphook:||so, could you or you and a girlfriend come over to scottsboro and see me and my friend one night……….if we are all friends|
|Amy:||You are persistent.|
|Amy:||Are you actually from Alabama or are you from another state?|
|pullsnaphook:||well…..when you really want something…..you kind of have to be that way|
|pullsnaphook:||i am from kentucky|
|pullsnaphook:||we are coming down this spring to play golf
with 6 other men
|pullsnaphook:||but me and my friend are rooming together
so, we'd have a room all to ourselves……..hint hint
|Amy:||See, what I'm failing to understand here is why I should find this offer appealing.|
|pullsnaphook:||hmm……….we can buy you some drinks
|pullsnaphook:||and the fact that you could possibly have the time of your life|
|pullsnaphook:||once in a lifetime experience|
|Amy:||Last I checked, I have the disposable income to buy myself both drinks and dinner, and the wherewithal to go out with friends and dance, as opposed to waiting on some unknown guy from another state to purchase or provide them for me.|
|pullsnaphook:||i was hoping to focus on the later of my comment about dinner and drinks…….the once in a lifetime opportunity|
|pullsnaphook:||do you work or stay home?|
|Amy:||I think you fail to grasp the full import of my questions. You're the one that propositioned me. My operative question remains the same: "Why should I care?"|
|Amy:||(There's also the secondary question of whether or not you did any research on me before contacting me, but I strongly suspect you didn't.)|
|pullsnaphook:||have you ever had the fantasy of having more than one man with you while making love|
|pullsnaphook:||are you a nun?|
|Amy:||I just asked my spouse. His response: "Not the last time I checked."|
|pullsnaphook:||well, you two have a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY and great weekend|
|Amy:||Planning on it. Thanks.|