Let's see if we can't knock out the two most important topics at once here. No point in beating around the bush, really:
1) I am, at last, on vacation.
2) I'm not pregnant.
I am scheduled to catch a flight out of Atlanta tomorrow … uh, okay, in about fifteen hours. (Perhaps I should go sleep.) I'm winging out West for close to a week of enforced peace, quiet, cooking, and shopping. I'll have my cell phone on me, but I'll likely not be allowed near any of the computers in the house where I'm staying.
You want me to get back to #2, don't you?
Hush. I'll get there.