Wow! Gentle readers, we have yet another winner in the "pester me once and I'll ignore you, pester me twice, and I post your words on my website and my friends make ruthless fun of you" category known as "stupid IM transcripts." That and, quite frankly, it's a Monday, and as we all know, at least 90% of all funny jokes are not funny on Mondays.

Thus, we do what we must to make the Monday bearable.

Enough of the yapping, let's get jiggy with the transcripts. First up is a conversation from December 19 that I'd since managed to forget. Today's winner is the yahoo user commercialparts; perhaps some of y'all should consider giving this hard-workin' man a shout-out?

Aside from the callous misuse of the poor comma key, ho-hum. This is low-level noise and really not worth repeating, except that another ping popped up today.

Today is Monday, thus requiring me to wake up and roll out of the snarky side of the bed. Since my burning questions (kind of like jock itch, except you can tell your friends about it without blushing) were still left unanswered, I felt the need to get more information.

See, here's what I totally don't get. I'm trying to be obnoxious with this post, but I also have to remember that I have friends of varying genders and gender preferences, so I'm trying to make sure that I'm not crossing the line between obnoxious and offensive here.

But, man, oh, man, this smacks me as unbelievably sexist. "My wife is looking for a woman to make love to for the very first time"? Aside from questioning the existence of said wife (because I've never been contacted by a chick trolling for chicks), did anyone else translate that as actually saying: I think it'd be really hot to watch my wife get it on with some bisexual hot chick. I mean, if she's old enough to get married (even in Alabama), isn't she old enough to do her own asking?

Now, if that's really her sexual preference, rock on for her! What happens between consenting adults in bed is nobody's business but their own. However, if this woman is really interested in having such an encounter, wouldn't it stand to reason that she'd be doing her own looking? I mean, I can't prove anything here without getting a bit more cuddly with these net-trollers than I like, but the husband doing the trolling reeks of nothing but pushing his wife into fulfilling the Porn Principle.

What, you ask, is the Porn Principle?

Chicks boinking chicks is the hottest thing ever, but guys don't touch other guys because it's really gross.

It is the double standard that has brought millions of dollars into the world of porn.

I like to think that somewhere out there, a married couple had an argument about sex. He said, "I wanna see you do it with another chick 'cause it would be really hot to watch." She snorted with laughter and said, "If I'm going to do it, you've got to sleep with another guy first. You bring home a guy that I approve of. Do him. I'll watch, and I'll critique - think scorecards, like old-time Olympic diving judges. Only after you've done that will I boink your Bisexual Hot Chick."

If he argued or complained, even one teensy little bit, I hope she chucked something really heavy and really breakable at him. Then left his sorry ass - because one of the crappiest things in the world is a marriage in which the two partners hold unequal power, and pressuring someone into sexual acts outside of their preference or comfort level is as good of a definition of unequal power as any that I've seen this morning.

However, there is a far more important question: is time spent trolling for bisexual nookie billable to your employer? How does one credit that in the time sheet?

The world may never know.