I'd like to take a moment out from your normal reading pleasure at domesticat.net to comment on the recent turn of events. I'd like to think that Amy wouldn't mind my stepping in and providing commentary while she is off in another room, watching a movie with Jeff.

I'm pleased to announce that domesticat.net, judging from the site stats, appears to have picked up readers number nine and ten! We at the Corporate end of domesticat.net are pleased to announce that due to this unexpected occurrence, we shall remain commercial- and advertisement-free for the time being.As you probably were not aware, Amy was under immediate and direct threats from domesticat.net's corporate sponsors to find some way of increasing readership to double digits or else she was going to be required (we truly dislike the word 'forced'—C.) to start including corporate advertisements in her entries.

We believe that you can get a good idea of her state of mind from reading the following email we received from her this morning:

To: "Chelseybabe"
From: "Amy"
Subject: Pledge Week

Chelsea dearest,

What the *censored* do you think you're doing? First you tell me that I 'may have to do corporate sponsorships' but you say that I can select from a variety of products. Now you tell me I have to push a particular set of products. I've taken a *censored* look at this so-called 'set' and I just want you to know it's utter *censored*!

Nobody bloody *censored* cares about this sort of stuff! For two years now you've been prattling on about how I should continue to follow my artistic instincts, to write about the things I care about, because "if you write about what you care about, Amy-cat, you'll get that readership you want! In the meantime, we'll support you!"

*censored*

*censored**censored*

Remember that? You told me that at Christmas, you blond-haired cretin! Now it's April, I've had a *censored* month, my father *censored* died last month, and you're telling me that if I don't find more readers within the next sixty days that I've got to start pushing whatever products you tell me to? I saw your *censored* list, and let me tell you, it's not worth *censored*. I guarantee you that what few readers I've got will think the same *censored* thing!

I refuse to *censored* push *censored* napkin rings, embroidered-*censored*-ing tablecloths, and toilet-paper dispensers. I have some bloody dignity, you know. Maybe I'm spoiled. Maybe I'm just pissed because you guys at Corporate encouraged me to write about what I thought was important, and now I find out that I've got sixty *censored* days to tap-dance the way you want me to or otherwise you'll shut down my site? I don't believe this.

I'll find the *censored* readers. I absolutely will not *censored* push embroidered tablecloths on this site. I don't bloody well care if I have to bribe perfect STRANGERS to read my site—I will do THAT before I ever play your online *censored* product-pimp!

I don't like you anymore. I thought you were my *censored* friend. *censored* you. I can't believe I hired you. All I wanted to do was *censored* write, and now you're trying to take that away too.

Amy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Don't believe in yourself.
You're only a fallacy anyway.
Amy :: comments @ domesticat.net
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I think you'll all agree with me that our artist-in-residence will be more than happy to learn that she's brought her site stats up to an acceptable level. We at Corporate plan to keep a close eye on both her well-being and her writing. We know that you readers of domesticat.net expect quality and consistency in your daily readings. We do not wish to force Amy to take on corporate sponsorship, but in the post dot-com-bust world, sometimes we have to do unpalatable things to stay afloat.

We at Corporate would like to hear from you. If you feel that there has been a significant change in the quality of writing at domesticat.net, please write to us and let us know. We will do our best to ensure that your reading experience is positive, thought-provoking, and pleasurable.

In the meantime, have a nice day. I have a prima donna to soothe.

Chelsea Uppington-Smythe
CFO and Brand Manager, domesticat.net