Sugar, you feeling playful
For the love of all things holy, someone track down this man and shoot him. I mean, really, people. Think mangy dog here. Take him out to the back where the kids can't see him and shoot him. Put him out of his misery. What kind of life is this guy leading anyway?
I'm referring to one of my least favorite online pests - the yahoo user cchodges. (Technically it's an 'adult' profile, but I have yet to see evidence of anything but juvenilia.) Don't remember him? This is the guy that gave us the underground classic entry, 'Gimme "connical" form, baby!'
I've actually not posted every time this guy has tried to ping me. I've got Trillian set to auto-log all chats (and suddenly several friends start squirming quietly) and I figured I'd get around to making one big fat post about this guy on a day that I was just cranky enough to pull out all the little tidbits and force 'em to undergo markup all at once.
So, let's dive right into the nauseating drivel, shall we? C'mon, it's not like you're actually getting any work done right now, anyway. Stop pretending for a minute and have some coffee while you ponder this well-nigh irrefutable proof that your life is not the crappiest on the planet…
Feb. 21, 2005
The impressive pseudo-intellectual lecture that resulted in the entry 'Gimme "connical" form, baby!' (by far the best of the bunch)
So when this popped up, I was just dumbfounded. Not only was he dumb enough to try this sort of thing, but he tried it on lots of people and didn't even bother to keep track of which hoped-for bimbos he'd already hit upon. Incredulity was the order of the day on my part:
7 March 2005
| Session Start (domesticat01:cchodges): Mon Mar 07 17:47:44 2005 | |
| [17:47] cchodges: | Sugar, you feeling playful |
| [17:47] *** Auto-response sent to cchodges: I'm somewhere around, but not at the computer. ** This has been a recording ** |
|
| [17:48] me: | You have GOT to be kidding me. |
| Session Close (cchodges): Mon Mar 07 17:50:15 2005 |
But no … he wasn't done. In May he returned with a new line. If there was a word for "dumbfounded" that also conveyed "appalled at your general ineptitude, stupidity, and general air of moronity," I'd have used it here:
3 May 2005
| Session Start (domesticat01:cchodges): Tue May 03 21:46:32 2005 | |
| [21:46] cchodges: | You got the hair, you got the Tits, you the Eyes, you need a stick |
| [21:46] *** Auto-response sent to cchodges: In the shower. Maximum capacity: one. Sorry. ** This has been a recording ** |
|
| [22:54] me: | What? |
| [23:02] me: | Oh, c'mon, you mean you're not going to fire out a lameass line like that without bothering to follow it up? Impressive. *golfclap* |
| Session Close (cchodges): Tue May 03 23:22:29 2005 |
(Yeah, if I had a stick, I'd beat him with it … and if HE had one, I'd entertain the idea of cutting it off. Call it a public service. Those of us with hair and tits and eyes have to stick together, you know. Until I get official notice of a Prince Charming, I'm assuming I'm responsible for saving myself.)
4 May 2005
| Session Start (domesticat01:cchodges): Wed May 04 09:24:38 2005 | |
| [09:24] cchodges: | Sugar, you feeling playful |
| [09:24] *** Auto-response sent to cchodges: I'm somewhere around, but not at the computer. ** This has been a recording ** |
|
| [09:24] cchodges: | now that's a shame darlin |
| [09:24] me: | Do you do ANYTHING besides hit on random women? |
| [09:25] me: | I mean, really. It's a gorgeous day outside. |
| [09:25] cchodges: | nope, that's about it princess |
| [09:25] me: | That's pathetic. |
| [09:25] cchodges: | yeah the sun just came up |
| Session Close (cchodges): Mon May 09 21:49:37 2005 |
That, gentle readers, brings us to today. I was cranky. I was trying to make buggy code work. It wasn't playing along. This princess had had enough:
5 July 2005
| [13:22] cchodges: | Sugar, you feeling playful |
| [13:22] *** Auto-response sent to cchodges: I'm somewhere around, but not at the computer. ** This has been a recording ** |
|
| [13:22] cchodges: | okkie dokkie sweet looks |
| [13:26] me: | Don't you get really tired of spewing the same lines all the time? |
| [13:26] cchodges: | naw |
| [13:27] cchodges: | sometimes it even works out pretty good doll |
| [13:27] me: | I shudder to think what your definition of "works out pretty good" is |
| [13:28] cchodges: | you should baby |
| [13:28] me: | Oh, yes, let me pencil in some time on my social calendar to find out what some random creep who refers to women as 'doll' or 'baby' has to say |
| [13:29] cchodges: | please do princess |
| [13:31] me: | I just want to make this incredibly clear: you have contacted me quite a few times. I have laughed openly at your excruciatingly bad come-on lines, and my friends and I have gotten great enjoyment and laughter at your expense every time I post the transcripts. |
| [13:31] me: | Get a life. |
| [13:31] me: | Really. |
| [13:31] cchodges: | okkie dokkie |
He'll probably contact me again next week. Moronity never sleeps, and dinner must be made, so off I go.
Comments
- -
Life is Love.
http://butterflylessons.tumblr.com // http://twitter.com/rarityfirefly