Give your weblog reader literary joys to last them through the holiday season:

1. New layout, hastily done, with holiday images stolen from other websites. (Generally done as reminiscence by webloggers who wouldn't know a non-dysfunctional family Christmas if it bit them.)
2. Comet Cursors. (The reading experience of your weblog is enhanced by those swirling little snowflakes.)
3. Blatant requests for gifts. ("How'd that link to my Amazon wishlist end up there?")
4. Posting of "original holiday-themed work." (Think of it like poetry bingo - score points every time the amateur poet uses any of the following words: yule, sleigh, bells, reindeer, Santa, St. Nick, chimney, love, snow, home, carol, presents, children)
5. Wear only Santa hat in front of webcam. Hope someone notices. Point them to #3 in exchange.
6. Jingle Bells MIDI autoplay. (No more needs to be said.)
7. Link to the NORAD-tracking-Santa homepage.
8. [Cute | Terrifying | Terrifying] photos of [children | dogs | cats] [destroying | destroying | ignoring] new presents.
9. Yearly re-posting of Grandma's egg nog recipe (double credit if it consists of "Go down to the store and buy a half-gallon of n brand eggnog", triple if the recipe includes pure grain alcohol)
10. The same damn Christmas letter you send to your family. (Your readers can go through your archives if they're behind. Nobody needs a recap.)

In the spirit of generosity, an extra-special-awful #11 for those of you who have had the misfortune to encounter it: mp3s of the weblogger reading (or worse yet, singing) their favorite Christmas bits aloud. Until you encounter this for yourself, you cannot understand the sheer awfulness. May you never be forced to learn.

© 2002 domesticat.net, with shiny happy contributions from CJL and Danno "Ghost Writer" Jensen. Please link back to this page if you post this on your site.