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  <title>domesticat.net</title>
  <subtitle>Much ado about the usual nothing.</subtitle>
  <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://domesticat.net/2006/11/atlanta-20062-put-your-arms-here"/>
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  <updated>2007-12-12T21:48:02+00:00</updated>
  <entry>
    <title>Atlanta (2006.2) - put your arms here</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://domesticat.net/2006/11/atlanta-20062-put-your-arms-here" />
    <id>http://domesticat.net/2006/11/atlanta-20062-put-your-arms-here</id>
    <published>2006-11-14T03:47:08+00:00</published>
    <updated>2007-12-12T21:48:02+00:00</updated>
    <author>
      <name>domesticat</name>
    </author>
    <category term="atlanta" />
    <category term="conversations" />
    <category term="dinner" />
    <category term="friends" />
    <category term="trips" />
    <summary type="html"><![CDATA[<p>It wasn't spartan, and it wasn't center-aligned or itemized, but when I walked in and closed the door behind me I thought immediately of the simplicity of a monk's cell, and I looked at its inhabitant and thought, "I'd rename you 'Monk' if I thought I could make it stick."  I said nothing.</p>
    ]]></summary>
    <content type="html"><![CDATA[<p>It wasn't spartan, and it wasn't center-aligned or itemized, but when I walked in and closed the door behind me I thought immediately of the simplicity of a monk's cell, and I looked at its inhabitant and thought, "I'd rename you 'Monk' if I thought I could make it stick."  I said nothing.  I've been accused of that many times, more times than I care to recount; I talk more than I once did but the ratio of words hushed to words spoken still runs somewhere around six-to-one.We'd talked my visit up for a week, in sass and verbal sparring, and it was simpler and stranger and odder now that I was actually <em>there</em>, because somewhere along the way I remembered that this was a new person to me and wasn't I supposed to be cautious around new people and not say everything within the first five minutes?</p>
<p>"Did you bring a jacket?"</p>
<p>"I did, but it's in the car."</p>
<p>"It's going to get chilly out tonight.  You're going to want something."  He opened up his closet and pulled out something I didn't recognize, unfurling it in an unspoken request to put my arms here, in the armholes.  "Navy peacoat."  I shrugged the garment to my shoulders knowing immediately that I would not feel comfortable wearing it out; the shaped shoulders were fitted to a body much wider than my own, and the sleeves covered my hands.</p>
<p>I laughed to myself, amused to finally have proof that I have been a child in adult's clothing all along, and promised to retrieve my trench coat from the car.</p>
<p>* * * * *</p>
<p>In my world, I am equal enough to open my own doors, but the sphere of my world overlaps with the sphere of others, and if a doorway happens to get wedged in the middle, I have to look for cues to figure out who is going to open it.  If the woman chooses wrongly, she annoys the other person.  So I watch for cues; I maintain cruising speed toward doors and watch the body language for intent.  Speeding up, or an angling arm, portends an intent to open the door for me; should that happen, I am gracious and verbally thank the person.  If not, I am not insulted; I am perfectly capable of opening my own door.  Forcing someone into a sham of politeness is not politeness, it is imposition.</p>
<p>I learned the proper Thai usage of a spoon, and as the meal progressed, I relaxed.  I reminded myself that the Amy-the-librarian lanyard was elsewhere, and that outside of the Isle of Aisles I was still my own person and might still speak freely.</p>
<p>We spoke of life and love over appetizers and of travels over entr&eacute;es, and when we stepped out of the restaurant with a slowly-firming friendship, him leading the way through the plate-glass doorway, the leaves swirled through the parking lot, eddied by the same winds that swirled the tails of my trench coat around my legs and made me shiver as I shut the car's door.</p>
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