Now, let's take a look into the deepest, darkest corner of the house.

What's in your refrigerator? On my quest, just now, with my trusty Handspring Visor in hand, I found:

• milk—2% for Jeff, 1% for me
• plain nonfat yogurt, for making curry
• 1 filtered-water pitcher
• 7 assorted beers, 1 cider
• 1 orange cream soda
• 1 small carton orange juice
• apple pie—the alcoholic kind, not the dessert kind
• a pound of butter—the real thing, none of this fake mess
• honey nut cream cheese, for bagels
• chicken stew (left over)
• cheeses: pecorino romano, parmigiano-reggiano, a taco mix of cheddar and mozzarella
• 2 bottles wine—a full bottle of cabernet sauvignon and a quarter-bottle of chardonnay
• thinly sliced raw beef that I'll use for fried rice in a day or two
• a half-empty bag of carrots
• flavored soy sauce
• ketchup
• mayonnaise
• 5 eggs
• 1 unopened jar of apple butter from my grandmother, another opened jar from the farmer's market
• 1 tube wasabi
• yellow mustard
• stone-ground (spicy) mustard
• dijon mustard
• various barbecue sauces (mustard-based, vinegar-based, and tomato-based)
• some leftover sweet yogurt I need to throw out
• seedless blackberry jam
• grape jelly
• regular soy sauce
• lemon juice
• Catalina dressing
• 2 bottles of hot sauce

…and absolutely no chocolatey things, which is what I'm craving right now.
Grr.