I'm a $29 oil painting!

Let us consider the conundrum of yahoo user readyfornew2, consider it seriously as a single example of a greater sociological problem:

I'm talking about idiocy, of course. Bloody pandemic, really.

So let me get this straight, for anyone who's reading the stupid IM transcripts archives: I don't troll for transcripts. I've never had to. It's like I have a giant Moron Beacon strapped to my ass. I leave Trillian turned on, mark mysefl as away when I'm not here (and sometimes when I am) and these guys—they're invariably men—manage to find me.

In some ways I'm a little saddened; I seem to have exhausted the few good net.trolls in Huntsville. According to the archives I've not been bothered to the point of posting an IM transcript in over a year. It leads me to suspect that most of the trollers in Huntsville have learned my name and moved on; therefore, now, it's left up to the wider-ranging net.nookie.trolls to stumble upon me.

Wait. What am I thinking? No, I'm not saddened.

So, let's splash this one up for a little bit of google-flavored posterity. It's worth noting that the first line was left for me at 11:41 a.m. local time, and that when I replied at 5:52 p.m. local time, this person was still online.

readyfornew2: I just read thru your profile and archives…..just want to say that you would do alot better with some professional help. If you want to dog all these men, well why dont you just get the fuck off off yahoo and tend to your shallow life. OMG you are a $29 oil painting in the making

*** Auto-response sent to readyfornew2: Ever heard of a lipstick librarian? Yep, that's me. Back when my day is done.

Amy: $29? I've clearly moved up in the world. Someone should have told me.
readyfornew2: just your imagination playing tricks on you again
Amy: Oh, I see. Well, the last set of pricing stickers did say $5.99.
readyfornew2: would love to banter with you, but you just aren't quite worth me wasting anymore of my time on you
Amy: That's okay; this is plenty enough for a transcript. :)

Then sign off and shut up already? Oh, wait, no, then you don't get your jollies any more. Happy to oblige…

readyfornew2: I'm sure you will post it, you really have deep issues
readyfornew2: Did your father molest you when you were a child?maybe that is why you are so bitter towards men…oh wait..your GAY!!!!!!!!! should have known…carpet muncher

*cries* O NOES … I've been called a carpet muncher by someone who can't make friends with his own apostrophe. Can I shrivel up and die now? Because damnit, he's got me pegged to rights and I just can't go on with life any more. I admit it … I'm a thirty-year-old librarian with little wire-rimmed glasses and two cats and I'm a … I'm a ….

Wait. *looks in living room*

*recognizes male spouse of eight years*

It's all coming back to me now! Men! MEN! Glorious, testosterone-laden men! And my skirts are short!

Oh, wait. Just the smart men. I forgot. I have this lifelong policy of refusing to sleep with anyone I can out-think.

Right. Wasn't I posting a transcript? Please, grace me with more wisdom.

readyfornew2: poof gone loser

(Awww, whatcha wanna bet if I say something else, he responds again? Seriously, don't take this bet.)

Amy: Well, I *am* a librarian.
readyfornew2: I was thinking more along the lines of C U N T

See, here's where he messes up. Gonna be an adult? Wanna play with the big kids? Then grow up: either learn to use the really big and nasty words that come with adulthood or take your security blankie and go back to the kiddie department. I'll spare you the linguistic dissection of the word 'cunt,' but if you think you want to call someone that, stand up and puff your chest out and yell it really big and loud and mean it when you say it. If you're gonna swear at someone, grip your balls with one hand and your courage with the other and say what you've gotta say full-out and mean it when you do. Don't whisper it out in single-letter puffs like you're a six-year-old using grownup words for the first time, because all I'm gonna do is laugh at you.

Is this where I get to rant yet again about how people don't use the word 'syphilitic' nearly enough when they swear?

All right, let's let our newfound friend close this conversation out.

Amy: Such vitriol. I shudder to think how you handle coping with situations that are *actually* stressful.
readyfornew2 rotflmao…….my secret child
readyfornew2: ok time to block your pathetic ass…bye fat chick

I'm blocked? You mean I don't have to talk to you any more?


I still hope the $29 oil painting was of naked chicks, though.


Brilliant post. Your troll escapades crack me up!

Omg...the *snark* is back. I have so missed you tearing a new ass to the pathetic denziens of the 'net. People never seem to realize that you can get burned when playing with fire. And these days sweetie...you are the equivalent of an old Texas A&M bonfire.

what men have you been dogging, anyway? and who says "dogging" anyway? when did that become a verb, 1938?