domesticat's blog

Dispatch 2014.09.09

My memory is a fiddly thing. If I don't write things down, I will forget, and sometimes it is right to embrace the forgetting, but in this case, that's not what I want.

After some joking that we realized wasn't quite so joking, we decided we needed a project, and so Film School is in. Noah and I have started watching all of the Best Picture nominees, in order, from the beginning, and I keep forgetting to jot down our reactions. We started at the beginning:

Begin at the beginning

Perfectionism will get you every time. 

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New digs

It goes without saying that there's been a change or two around here. Even the definition of 'here' has changed.

Those of you who have been in contact with me over the past six months or so knew of the life changes that I was unprepared to speak of publicly on this blog. Jeff and I agreed to divorce some number of months ago, and I immediately began to put plans in place to relocate to Portland, Oregon. 


He remembers how he got here. I don't. I'm not sure I ever asked, but through time, patience, and persistence, his name became a familiar one to me. Emails winged back and forth between Australia and the States on a slow, irregular basis, until eventually they were anticipated and savored things. At some point, I took for granted that from time to time, Lukas's name would pop up in my inbox, with updates and thoughts and reactions.

Unbridal trousseau

I'm aware as I write this how fortunate I've been. Nearly three years ago, I faced complete and utter disaster: personal, fiscal, emotional, social. The low points were too many to count, but I remember having to consider, seriously, options as drastic as executing a divorce against a comatose man in order to protect our home.

As I am beginning the process of packing up to leave, the irony of that previous statement is not lost on me.

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I'm trying to hold fast to my promise to take the most dignified path possible out of my marriage. Say nothing publicly, ruin no friendships, leave Jeff every chance possible to make a good life for himself once I am gone. I got a taste yesterday, though, of just how angry I am, and just how easy it would be to scorch the earth behind me. How tempting.