teamjeffie

Stick with me here. You’ll read the first few paragraphs here and wonder how in the world this is going to have a happy ending, but … it does. I promise.

* * *

I have struggled to name this quilt, as well as to write about it. It goes without saying that 2011, thanks to Jeff’s accident, was … hell, let’s pick a few adjectives:

This weekend was your first visit home, unsteady steps behind a walker equipped with tennis balls getting you from your beloved Passat, to the front porch, to the foyer whose flooring we never much cared for but never replaced.

The cats smelled your shoes and found them fascinating; we learned quickly that Tenzing had no fear of the walker, and Edmund who can't remember where his tail is half the time remembered that some number of months ago, you gave good scritchies.

I played with my new phone, and Tenzing remembered that your feet were warm, cuddly places to sleep.

['001' by Crystal]

Over years of texting and communicating through IM, you develop linguistic conventions that communicate emotion even through the impersonal medium of text. For me, an ever-present one has been the ellipsis; it denotes a moment without words. Often it's slackjawed astonishment. Sometimes it's laughter.

Yesterday it was tears.

I missed Drupalcon Chicago because of Jeff's accident. I'd been looking forward to it for months; I'd saved up vacation days, planned to crash at Byron's apartment, and to take extra time before and after the conference so I could go back to the museums and get to know the city better.

The best-laid plans…

I've been intentionally silent here on cat.net. What few words I've had, have needed to go out to family and friends as updates regarding day-to-day changes in Jeff's condition and care. I keep telling everyone that what we face now is a marathon, not a sprint, and that means I'll have to change my tactics, too.

My husband is injured, gravely injured. Will he recover? We don't know. We hope so, but as I said to someone early on, this process is either going to be very quick (meaning, we will lose him) or very slow (meaning, he makes it, but the road to recovery will be a long one).

I have hesitated writing here because we've already seen our first instance of family drama, and it has left me so angry and mistrustful that I have withheld virtually all personal statements from all public places. It won't work, long-term, because my friends assume that I'll write here on cat.net, and at some point, I'm going to need the outlet. Truthfully, I needed it from day one.

So here's the massively profane deal. It's a rant. Offended? Feel free to take your offense somewhere else. You're reading this of your own free will.