Rechecking my rig
by domesticat.
[me resting at the top of Licklog Mountain (peak #2 of the day)]

From wikipedia:

• Class 1: Hiking.
• Class 2: Simple scrambling, with possible occasional use of the hands.
• Class 3: Scrambling, a rope can be carried but is usually not required.
• Class 4: Simple climbing, with exposure. A rope is often used. Natural protection can be easily found. Falls may well be fatal.
• Class 5: Technical free climbing. Climbing involves rope, belaying, and other protection hardware for safety.

I asked myself on the way home: would I have done this if I had known what I know now?

Yes, yes, absolutely yes.

I swallowed my pride and stuck my head into Lynn's office and said, "Can I talk to you?" He walked out of his office, we propped up elbows on the front desk, and I told him about the upcoming hiking trip. I told him about deciding to do my best to prep my body for the trip, and asked if he had suggestions. "Fix your quads. Fix your back. You're gonna use those on the trail more than you realize." Then he grinned, an evil grin that I've learned can only mean heavy physical exertion is about to be suggested, and pointed. "You know what you need, right?"

"Oh, God. What?"

You know me. I make a plan, and I sink into it. I was told yesterday by a friend that he envies my focus, and perhaps it's true; I perceive myself as scatterbrained but maybe it's not so much so as I tend to think. The books scattered across multiple rooms would certainly belie that opinion.Life's been odd lately.

I've been trying to put it into words and have thrown every attempt away; the entry I quickly entitled 'braille night' has been rewritten at least seven times, with every attempt causing me more frustration and leaving me nothing but silence here.

Two years ago, I made myself a promise. I had no idea when the promise would be kept, or how, but that there would come a day when I could turn my thoughts inward and know that I'd be satisfied. In theory, it was so incredibly simple. In practice, it has taken two years, a radical life change, and much effort to pursue.

I will not let my weight dictate what I can or cannot do in this life.

The fat girl struggling on the elliptical survived by reminding herself of all the things she wanted to be able to do. Climb stairs. Dance. Run.

Hike.