introspection

How to put this. How to say it in words. How to damp down thought, impression, compulsion into mere vocabulary, and leave it out for the world to see.

I hugged Brad, and I made a squeaky noise. When I had awakened earlier that morning and realized that I would see him and Alice that day, I realized it had been too long since I had seen them. Years too long.

Life’s been simple lately. Not honeysuckle simple, but simple enough.It was a necessary change. I haven’t said a lot here precisely because I couldn’t find the right angle, the correct approach, the perfect turn of phrase that could make it all simple and make it all sound reasonably okay. Because, the truth is, in the end, things are good.

Call it a dilemma: there are parts of my life I don’t write about here because they’re far too personal, far too private, or sometimes just involve intimate parts of other people’s lives. Parts they’re not totally comfortable with me sharing—online, or sometimes even in person. Some secrets can be quietly acknowledged among close friends, but some must remain nothing more than stifled whispers in empty rooms.

New music: John Mayer’s album, Room For Squares. After hearing a song of his on Radio Paradise, I went digging, first for mp3s and then for a copy of the album. David Gray meets Dave Matthews, I think, but with a nice little touch of local Georgia music scene.I listened to it today while working on getting the CDs ripped—at last, at last, they are all ripped!

Here’s my question for the evening: what makes a geek, a geek? What is it, exactly, that gets you entrance into this peculiar little world?

And, I suppose my true question is…why am I in it?

I ask myself this sometimes, and tonight after Heather and Jess visited, I’ve really been asking myself those questions. It’s sometimes difficult for me to listen to the wondergeeks talk about what they’re doing with their lives, because I always feel that in comparison, my life comes up lacking.

This, I think, is because I’m torn between what I’m good at doing, and what I feel that I should be doing. The two aren’t the same, and I know it.