Ok, gents, let's review! While the desperation of humanity is often palpable on the holiday this year known as Black Satur….er, Valentine's Day, just because a depth is there doesn't mean you should sink to it.

Personally, while I find it a smidgen admirable that someone could actually have the balls to metaphorically walk up to a random stranger and proposition for a threesome, I find it far more amusing and pathetic. Don't these people have friends they can call up and say, "Hey, we need to borrow you for a weekend of sex that would make your mother blush"? Surely they'd have a better success rate than contacting random net.chicks for the same favor?

One thing's for certain; they're better off asking their friends than they are asking me, because as we know, there's nothing that turns me on more than a poorly-capitalized request for sex from a perfect stranger.

In other news, spouseling and I are contemplating celebrating Black Satur…er, Valentine's Day, in a bit of an unconventional fashion. We discussed the idea of going out to eat tonight, but realized that most of the restaurants in our fair, sleepy city will be covered over with profusely PDA-swapping couples whose fawning adulation is likely to make me vomit before we finish our two-hour wait for a table.

Or, as Jeff asked last night, "Is there some restaurant in town that won't be covered over for Valentine's Day?"

I said, "What about Hooters?"

If his eyebrows had gone any higher, they would've shot off over the top of his head. "You'd go?"

"Why not?"

So, barring circumstances beyond my control, we'll probably go do our Saturday workouts and then sashay over to Hooters for a meal of pure calorie indulgence…and, if I'm lucky, a night completely free of shameless PDA displays.

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I mean, really, people. No, I don't have anything in particular against people publicly declaring that they love one another. In fact, in a day and age in which even the barest of civilities are often overlooked, I'm more than willing to cheer when two people recognize that they love one another and choose to conduct their lives accordingly.

What I do find appalling is the usage of Valentine's Day as an all-purpose day of apology. Instead of a day of celebrating love, it's a day to buy your significant other something to make up for the fact that you've been an utter putz since Valentine's Day 2003. (After all, she'll forget about the cheap blonde hooker that gave you the clap in Vegas if you just buy her a diamond for Valentine's Day!)

A novel idea: try treating your significant other as significant the rest of the year, and maybe you won't have to apologize so profusely on Valentine's Day 2005.

But then again, what do I know?

Right then. On to the transcript, and off to Hooters. Cheers!

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