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I have this friend.

Everyone say hi to Matthew. (Hi, Matthew!)

He’s a grad student at an unnamed large university in the northeast, and he’s known me since I was … crap, let’s not get into how long we’ve known each other.

Suffice it to say, somewhere in our teens, we discovered we were kindred spirits. For quite some time now, he’s been sending me one-liner movie reviews on netflix, and my general reaction is usually a snort of laughter. I haven’t done anything with the emails, but I haven’t deleted them either. He has since agreed to let me repost some of his movie comments here, so I present the first installment in Matthew’s Movie Notes…

To the humans reading this missive, We send casually-meowed greetings and salutations. We recognize that the visitors to Our domicile wish to receive only the best of care from Our humans for the duration of their stay, and We are pleased to announce the results of Our ongoing quality-check program.

Prior to all guest arrivals, We thoroughly investigate the sheet situation of all guest beds in order to assure our guests a 100% mouse-free experience. We simply will not tolerate even the merest whisper of a hint that We might inflict any but the best of mouse-free experiences on Our tolera….uhhhh, beloved guests.

(We’d stand behind the guarantee…but that’d mean We’d have to wake up.)

Click on the following photo to see a demonstration of Our quality-control procedures at work:

…but only for a week!

Yes, folks. I am back here on cat.net with more antics than you can shake a baton at. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I just can’t get enough of you cat.net readers. I suppose I might have a dual purpose here, though. B)

“Okay. Now it’s time to head into the computer room and play the ever-popular game of ‘How Many Blinky Lights Are There?’ You have a guess?”
— Amy

Wow, takeover and domination of two different sites in less than 24 hours. Was it my birthday and someone forgot to tell me?

But seriously, folks. This is Chris, better known as Duckie to some of you, here to let you know that our beloved domesticat has been having what she likes to call a “rubber-ball modem” for the better part of the past week. In other words, little to no net access, hence the lack of posting here on cat.net and such. To assuage the multitude of rumors I’ve been hearing, allow me to set the record straight:

1. Dead? Nope.
2. Ran off and joined the circus? Sorry.
3. Become a nun? Ha!

These are my answers to the five questions Amy posited to me.

(1) You have five bullets and a guarantee that you will never be prosecuted. Who gets the bullets, and why? (A single person is allowed multiple bullets, if necessary.)

Hmmm…If you’re going to limit me to five, I’m going to have to be pretty judicious; I don’t think I’m in danger of having to pump multiple bullets into the same person.
(1) Gallagher. I’ve always wondered if his head would explode like his melons.

I hate you. You are: