Have you ever wondered where your holiday traditions come from? I think we should make sure our children know the REAL reason for our holidays...

There is a 'How To Stalk' handbook. Every woman should read it and familiarize herself with the section regarding Target Quality. We, as Liberated Wimmins, have a responsibility to use our new-fangled right to be seen in public sans chaperone (or common sense) with care and dignity. Remember: think before you stalk!

I'm happy to provide this condensed version of the handbook for your reading pleasure:

(2003's 'You got me. I'm listening.' will provide a good deal of insight into the literal meaning of this very figurative entry. For a day or so, I'll move it back to the front page of the site, since despite the large span of time between them, these two entries dovetail.)Fans of a radio show will set the clocks of their lives by the broadcasts they care about; they will turn up the volume and lean in close to the speaker, so as not to miss any of the words.

Me, I've listened to this radio show before.

oh God oh God oh God I thought she wasn't ever coming back! Tenzing kept saying she wasn't ever coming back and I kept telling him that she would, but the sun kept coming up and she wasn't ever there to feed us in the morning and I was starting to worry that maybe Tenzing was right.He's the smarter kittybrother, after all.

Barbie Dolls Inc. announces the release of models of limited edition Barbie dolls for the Central Arkansas area:

Heights Barbie

This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Wind star minivan. She gets lost easily west of Reservoir Road and has no full time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. Optional matching tennis outfit.

I can almost hear the voice, tactile and smooth in my imagination, curling and settling softly in my ears like the finest, cleanest lines of Miles Davis.

"This is the all-night request line, for those of you awake enough to know we're closer to daylight than midnight. Got a request? A dedication? Something on your mind?" A pause. If there was such a radio show, playing at an hour like this, on a night like this, I could imagine a speech like that hanging on a pause and finishing with "Give us a call. We'll see what we can do." The hiss of dead air would be followed by the the shuffling of notes and fingers, followed by shunting the current phone call to the live audio feed.

After all, a show like this one wouldn't exactly need a tape delay.

* * * * *

"A good night to you, caller. You got me. I'm listening. Talk to me. Tell us who you are."

"I'm Amy, from Huntsville. I've been trying to call in for ages, and just couldn't ever get through."